Back Seat Wonders

Is there a new normal about what is appropriate in the backseat of a car? (By ‘appropriate,’ please consider the loosest form of the adjective.)

I am familiar with some back seat action, which first transpired in my youthful days growing up in suburban Los Angeles, where who and what you drove were everything. However, since turning 29, the backseat of a car has become quite the playground. I didn’t go rogue overnight though. It was a slow evolution:

2001: First kiss in my boyfriend’s car parked in front of Barnes and Nobles in sunny Calabasas, California—so wholesome 

2002: Boyfriend and I engage in heavy petting whilst stationed in front of the local park—keeping it classy

2006-2008: General making out with a couple different guys in a couple different NYC taxis—oh so saucy

2009: Light groping in London minicabs with select British gentlemen—ever so slightly cheeky

2011: The first back-seat-straddle transpires. Out of nowhere, I surprisingly jump on my cab companion and give him a preview of what will soon transpire—risqué minx move (so I thought at the time)

2012: I back-seat-straddle nearly every man with whom I have a romantic rendezvous—bow chica wow wowwww

Then 2013 happened.

The night started out as typically as could be. I met a Princeton alum at an Apollo Circle Metropolitan Museum Soiree; we continued the evening over a dimly lit dinner at Rosemary’s. Soon after dinner, we went to an even darker wine bar tucked away in a West Village corner. Next, we shared a cab and started making out. Yadda, yadda, yadda–so far, so standard.

But then, I pulled back for just a little breather (Upper West Side was quite the trek from West 4th Street), and suddenly without hesitation he picked up my legs, parted them, and went down on my town as we drove uptown.

I pressed one foot against the roof of the car, thinking WHAT WAS HAPPENING?? Is the cab driver watching us?  Am I wearing my go-to flesh-toned spanx?? Can people see us from outside? Why is this so natural to him—has he done this before? Does everyone do this?? Is my leg blocking the cabbie’s view from the rear view mirror? I am definitely not wearing a seatbelt—what if we get pulled over? Am I going to get a ticket?!

nyctaxiI thought my experience was clearly an anomaly – I mean cab hanky-panky wasn’t even featured on HBO’s Girls, my current sexual barometer for what the cool kids are doing these days, so evidently this was special stuff. Then just a few months later, in a different car with a different man, I found we were somewhat rounding third base, within literally just moments of getting in the taxi. Again—WHAT WAS HAPPENING??

All these years, had I just been missing out on these racy rides, or was this a new move men have begun to exhibit? Plus, others must routinely go all the way in the back of these shared vehicles, meaning I might consider dousing the back seat with hand sanitizer before next sitting down. Regardless of what is customary, the next time I enter into a taxicab with the man of the hour, I know to sit back, enjoy the ride, and most importantly– tip well!

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