Ménage à Trois

I knew I officially graduated from Sex 1.0, when I was invited into a threesome. To someone whose sexual proficiency is still under construction, it’s quite high praise. Why, thank you kind sir, for believing I posses the adroitness to execute on such an advanced encounter!

Spoiler Alert: This story does NOT end with my participating in a threesome. I am not interested. I think women are beautiful, and their bodies are seductive, but the thought of doing ANYTHING with lady parts—no thank you. And, no way could I be with two men. I am still discovering what to do with just one dude in my bed—two requires a dexterity I have yet to acquire.

I was first asked to participate in a three way in 2011 at Beach Week in Miami in business school. Wharton’s Beach Week is a slutfest in absolute form and I’m thankful that my burgeoning sexuality was still under wraps then, as I would have surely not survived the week (or grad school) without at least one STD or pregnancy scare. Anyway, a classmate asked my hottie BFF and I to head back to his room at the W to get down and dirty. I’m pretty sure that in my near blackout phase, I accepted his advances. But my wise friend knew that’s not how I roll, so the situation quickly dissipated.

More recently, after closing down the open bar at an evening in the garden at Central Park’s Conservancy, a super-cute NYC bestie and I headed for dinner at Del Monico’s in Midtown. We ate at the bar, and a dapper gentleman sat next to me. I flashed him my freshly Crest-whitestripped smile and learned he was an investment banker from San Francisco here on business. A very handsome investment banker, at that. Somehow over a couple glasses of sauvignon blanc, both Bestie and I showed the Banker some lust worthy lingerie pictures of us on our iPhones (I just happened to take them earlier that week as I was waiting for the cable guy—thanks Time Warner for showing up late). After that, I can’t really fault the Banker for thinking he may actually have a chance to fulfill his girl-on-girl-on-him fantasy. He gave it a good effort, but after all that flirtation, the three of us went home alone. (life is hard).

threesome

After both of these indecent proposals, I felt a sense of pride. Especially after the request from a stranger; clearly my first impression was provocative enough to elicit such an illicit pitch. Look at me world—I’m so fun! And I have come a long way. But then I realized, I really was just riding on the sexy coattails of my pretty pals. And you know what, there is no shame in that! Just the requests alone built my sexual self-esteem: these men didn’t think I was boring in bed. I’m still working my way up the boning learning curve—but I’ve made good progress!

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